Rimming, also known as analingus or salad tossing, is oral sex to the butthole. (See also: the part in Nicki Minaj’s “Anaconda” where she raps, “Toss my salad like his name Romaine.”) For some among us, rimming might be an immediate “Oh hell no." (Which is fine—all sexual activities are on an “as wanted and fully revokable at any time” basis.) But maybe you’re curious or you watched that scene on Girls where Marnie looked pretty damn happy receiving a rim job. If you fall into the latter category, these rimming positions might be all it takes to make you an analingus afficionado.
“Rimming is a rather taboo adventure, but the anal opening is rich in sensitive nerve endings, and when licked, sucked or French-kissed with a hot wet tongue can feel incredibly pleasurable and highly erotic,” says Domina Doll, a passion, pleasure, and empowerment coach, and writer at Sexpert.
Listen, if the idea of eating someone’s butthole is something you permanently want to erase from your mind forever, we totally get it. But if you take the right measures to ensure a clean, sexy, positive experience, well…don’t knock it till you try it.
“A way to overcome the fear of ending up with a ‘potty mouth’ is to make sure everything down there is squeaky-clean. Make sure to have a shower or bath beforehand and thoroughly clean your a-hole with mild soap and water,” says Doll. “Don’t eat anything for a few hours before your ass-licking sesh, especially gassy foods that may make you fart.” (Sorry to shine a light on that particular Special Relationship Moment.)
And beyond avoiding all gasses, rimming also requires safety just like any other form of sex. “Dental dams are a great way to protect yourself from STIs and other infections when rimming. If you don’t have a dental dam on hand, cut up a medical glove or condom to make a dental dam,” says Isabelle Uren, a certified sexpert and writer at sex positive website Bedbible.com. To prevent infection, don’t switch from rimming to other forms of oral sex.
Some rimming ~FAQs~, if you will.
What are you actually supposed to do with your tongue?
“Variety is key,” says Uren. “Change up the sensation by varying the patterns and pressure —try zig-zagging your tongue, making small circles, or making figure-eight motions. You can also lightly blow on their skin to create a cool tingle of pleasure as your breath cools the saliva or lube.”
Is that, like, it?
“While rimming can feel amazing, combining it with other types of stimulation can be truly mind-blowing!” says Uren. “For penis owners, you can massage the perineum to stimulate their prostate or get their scrotum and penis in on the action. For vulva owners, try adding in some fingering or clitoral stimulation.”
Aaaand some rimming sex positions, right this way.
The Lock the Gates
Want to do a little exploration in private? “If you want to experience rimming but don't have a partner close by, b-Vibe has a rimming plug with rotating beads to mimic the sensation of a circling tongue,” says Uren. (If you’re liking it, here’s a bunch of other butt-focused toys to try.) You can also lube up a finger and try tapping, rubbing and making circles around your bum hole to see what you might like.
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The In Your Face
If you’ve tried rimming before and you already know you love it, try face-sitting for an ~extremely~ direct approach. “You can either be facing them directly for some intimate eye contact, or facing away from them to be able to touch their body (or yourself),” says Alma Ramírez Acosta, co-founder of Vibio, a women- and LGBT-owned startup making app-controlled sex toys and inclusive content. Try a toy on your clit for double stimulation.
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The Rimming 69
You can easily adjust the classic 69 position for rimming. It’s pretty much the same, but you’ll both need to curl up a bit more to get butt-access. “The receiver performs oral sex on the giver while the giver eats their partner’s bum. Defo a win-win for both parties,” says Aliyah Moore, PhD, resident certified sex therapist at SexualAlpha. Remember: Don’t switch from butt to genitals to avoid transferring germs.
The Rim Shot
Easy, basic positions work well for first-timers. Get yourselves showered up, then the receiver lies back with their knees bent up toward their chest. “This position still gives the giving partner easy access to the receiver’s breasts and clitoris—or with a male butt, access to the penis and testicles—for stimulation fun,” says Kenneth Play, sex coach. “If you want to use a barrier for your rimming but don’t have a dental dam handy, a quick sex hack is to grab some plastic wrap to use instead.”
The Private Tour
“A nice position for beginners is to lie down on your stomach,” says Erika Lust, feminist erotic filmmaker. “Enjoying anal play is often all about being able to relax, and this is one of the most comfortable positions for the receiver. It can also be helpful to put a pillow under your hips to raise your butt slightly. Plus, you can always use your free hands to pleasure yourself at the same time.”
The Deep Sea Diver
“It can be a really hot introduction to take a shower together and start practicing some rimming while you’re in there,” says Lust. “For beginners, I recommend doing a simple standing position. The receiver can stand up, holding on to the wall if they need, and the other person can crouch down behind them. I recommend this for people who feel self-conscious or worry that rimming isn't hygienic or clean.”
The Bend and Tap
One person stands on the floor and bends over a bed, the other kneels behind them. Easy, sexy, ergonomic. “Standing and bending over can feel more comfortable for some folks, or it can feel more exposed and vulnerable, which can be exciting. It also lends itself well to sensual spanking, etc.,” says sex and relationship coach Charlie Glickman. “Experiment with how far apart you spread your legs to find the most comfortable spot.”
The Rainy Trumpet
Some finger foreplay to rimming never hurt, right? “Get connected with some caressing and washing, then make your finger a little soapy and move in concentric circles toward the anus, making sure to get into the crevices and ridges around the entrance,” says Play. “You can also move your finger a little bit inside the actual hole. I also sometimes do a little finger play here too, which is great if you think you’ll be moving from rimming to anal penetration later on.” Enhance the rim job with something up front—a waterproof toy, well-aimed shower head, or hand.
Jill Hamilton is a contributor for Cosmopolitan.com and writes the blog In Bed With Married Women.
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