Getting out of your super-cozy bed and going to work is never easy. Between contemplating life’s purpose to mindlessly scrolling TikTok with one eye shut because it just refuses to open, why would you ever want to leave? Even if you love your job more than anything, you’d probs still choose your sweet, sweet relaxation over back-to-back Zoom meetings.
If you’re down to tell a small white lie believable enough to get you a lil weekday chill day, I’ve got you covered! It just takes a faux tailbone injury, a court hearing, some stitches opening up, a broken engagement, or being stuck in a ditch to do the trick.
Before you start feeling guilty, I’m also here to remind you that if your employer gives you PTO days, Take! Them! Ditch that grind-until-you-die attitude that’s been drilled into our heads since we were bbs. Plus, we’re almost two years (730-plus actual MF days) into a global pandemic. Yeah. Every time I think about it, I just want to collapse into a little ball and rock around like a scared child. I think we ALL *Victoria Justice voice* deserve an extra day here and there to take a step back and deal with the mental stress of our current reality. But, ahem, depending on where you work, you still might need a more concrete excuse to get that going.
So without further ado, below are very convincing stories that’ll easily snag you that get-out-of-work card. To all the bosses out there: I did nothing! (Please don’t come for me.)
“My brother’s appendix ruptured.”
“I was at work and my mom calls me freaking out that I had to meet my brother at the hospital because he was in searing pain, bent over crying, whatever. He thought it was because he had eaten bad sushi the night before. I meet him at Harvard hospital and it turns out his appendix had ruptured and he was rushed into emergency surgery. They wouldn’t let me stick around, so I spent the day at the park waiting for him to get out. Overall, it was a fine day for me, not so much for him. He’s totally fine though.” —Valentina, 24
“My Wi-Fi went out.”
“Take your first morning call with your camera off and say your Wi-Fi is being finicky. Then after that call, say your Wi-Fi crashed and there are people there fixing it. They can’t expect you to use your hot spot unless you have a phone plan your work pays for. Luckily for me, I do not. The men weren’t able to fix it in a day so you get the day off, cheers!” —Valentina, 24
“My dog’s not feeling well.”
“Please, please, please only use this one if you don’t actually have a dog. I can’t handle the idea of any negative juju in this department.” —Trina, 26
“For some reason, my hands are cramping.”
“The one was somewhat based on the truth. I used to suffer from pretty bad hand cramps that made it hard to type…but not impossible. Anyway, my boss was [actually] satisfied when I told her it was the reason I needed a Friday off.” —Amanda, 23
“Someone slashed my tires.”
“I walked outside to go to work on a Monday morning and I looked down and my tire was slashed. And someone decided to spray Gorilla Glue all over the side of my car. So yeah, happy Monday.” —Madison, 24
“I have to go to court.”
“It was summer and I wanted to go to the beach during the week because it’s always crowded on weekends. I told my boss that I had to go court for a speeding ticket or I would get a warrant out for my arrest.” —Maria, 23
“My stitches opened up.”
“I told my boss on a 98-degree day that my stitches opened up. I went to the beach instead.” —Jazz, 25
“I qualified for the state track championship.”
“In high school, I told my boss I qualified for the state track championship, which meant I couldn’t come in AT ALL during the weekend to help restock. He was confused because I’d never once mentioned my elite running skills, but he let it slide. Fun facts: I didn’t qualify for state. Or participate in track. I could barely run a mile!” —Abby, 27
“My apartment is flooding.”
“I actually made it all the way into the office but was just really not feeling it that day. So I texted my boyfriend to call me and he pretended he was our super. I told [my boss] that I needed to go home because a pipe burst in our apartment and I needed to be there to deal with stuff.” —Emily, 28
“I have to study for a midterm.”
“In college, I emailed my boss saying I couldn’t make it to work because I had to study for a midterm. I played hooky to stay a night on the beach in Ventura, California.” —Quincie, 23
“I broke my tailbone.”
“The night before the final episode of Game of Thrones aired, I called in and told my manager that I fell in the bathroom and injured my coccyx (it’s your tailbone). My boss was so concerned, she let me stay home for three days. I had enough time to watch my show and emotionally process it before going back to work.” —Malavika, 22
“I just got a root canal.”
“I texted my boss that I had to have an emergency root canal the day before and wasn’t allowed to talk for two days! It worked!” —Pramita, 22
“I fell….”
“I trip over nothing three times a day at work, so my boss knows I’m very accident-prone. So my go-to is always telling my manager that I fell and need to recover at home. One time I said that I fainted outside a train station, another time I fell down the stairs while trying to rush. At this point, my boss is pretty used to it.” —Anwesha, 23
“I have to help my sister move dorms.”
“One weekend, I was scheduled to work but my boyfriend wanted to come visit me for the weekend. I called my boss and told him that I had to help my little sister, who’s in college, move into a different dorm last-minute. He thought it was nice that I was helping her, so he gave me the weekend off.” —Yasasvi, 22
“I skipped my allergy pill and rubbed my face all over my dog.”
“Years ago, I had a job interview and wanted to take a sick day instead of a vacation day. The day before my interview, I skipped my allergy pill and rubbed my face all over my dog, knowing it would give me a terrible allergy attack. I spent all day at work pretending my allergy attack was an oncoming cold so no one would question my sick day!” —Mandy, 29
“I have hard-core bathroom issues.”
“I’m a huge fan of the explosive diarrhea excuse. Just say, ‘I have a stomach bug’ or ‘I have food poisoning,’ and let their imaginations run wild.” —Roman, 29
“I’m stuck in a ditch.”
“In Buffalo, we use the line ‘I’m stuck in a ditch,’ and nobody ever questions it. There are lots of ditches for water runoff, lots of snow, and lots of ice on the roads. If you haven’t gotten stuck in a ditch, you’re probably a shut-in!” —Shayna, 21
“I’ve been up all night with a stomach bug!”
“Here’s what you gotta do: Write and schedule an email to go to your manager in the middle of the night, like somewhere in the 2:30 a.m. to 5 a.m. window, that says, ‘Hey, I’ve been up all night with a bad stomach bug. I’m hoping this resolves quickly but I might need to call in sick tomorrow.’ Then send another email before work that says, ‘I’m still not better, I’ll be out today.’” —Caitlin, 25
“My bathtub fell through my ceiling.”
“I decided to take a girls’ trip to Vegas for my BFF’s bachelorette party and told my boss that my bathtub fell through my ceiling and I would be out for three days because of the repairs. He totally bought it!” —Molly, 35
“My fiancé called off our engagement.”
“I wanted to help my little sister move into her college dorm her freshman year; however, it required me taking off a Friday and I had already used all my vacation days. I called my boss the night before and told her that my fiancé and I called off our engagement and that I needed a day off. She felt so bad about it and told me to take as much time as I needed to mourn the loss of my relationship. I had to pretend three weeks later that we got back together and we were happily engaged again. My fiancé wasn’t too pleased about it!” —Karen, 30
“My cat got stuck on the side of the bathtub.”
“One time, I told my boss that I would be late to work because my cat got stuck in the side of the bathtub and I needed to wait for the fire department to get him out—this story really did happen…but a few days earlier.” —Leah, 20
“It’s my half-sister’s grandma’s birthday.”
“I wasn’t in the mood to go to work because it was such a beautiful day. So instead, I went to the Hamptons to start a long weekend and told my boss that it was my half-sister’s grandma’s birthday and that I would be out for the day.” —Ally, 27
“My cat is having kittens!”
“I skipped work because my boyfriend surprised me with tickets to see Beyoncé and Jay-Z one summer. I ended up telling my boss that my cat was having her kittens and I needed to be there for emotional support.” —Kayla, 21
“I stubbed my toe really badly.”
“I was already running super late to work and didn’t really feel like showing up. I decided to call up my boss and tell her that I stubbed my toe really badly and that it was swelling up. I’m a waitress, so I have to be on my feet all day. I added that I didn’t want to risk dropping any plates on customers, which totally helped me get out of work.” —Anna, 19
Megan Uy is the assistant shopping editor at Cosmopolitan, where she searches for the best products in all things fashion, home, beauty, sex, gifts, and more, so you don’t have to. When she’s not writing for the site, she’s whipping up some cool and trendy content for the fashion section of the print magazine. She’s been with the brand since 2019 (when she was an itty-bitty editorial fellow), and she's also written for Delish, House Beautiful, and People. Follow her on Instagram to get some BTS of the editor life and chaotic NYC content. Also, feel free to hit her up if you ever wanna discuss the madness that is TikTok.
